Life

Today I am just grateful for life. It seems a little like cheating, because that's such a broad topic, but it's too hard to choose one specific thing right now.

Yesterday when I got home from a long shopping trip I just felt exhausted. It's amazing how walking around looking at and trying on clothes can make you feel so tired. As I walked from the car to my apartment I felt some sadness creeping into my heart and the temptation of self-pity and pessimism tugging at my thoughts. It would have been easy to focus on those little imperfections of life that I was thinking about, but I realized that was a stupid idea! There is so much good in life. Why focus on the bad and allow it to suffocate the good?! Making this shift in my attitude, I felt a sudden love for my life--the good and the bad. It was funny to feel so happy as I thought about the good things and the things I wish were different. I guess that's what perspective does to you. Because I shifted my focus to all the wonderful aspects of life, the negative aspects faded in importance and I saw them as small annoyances that added some color and challenge to life. Instead of going home exhausted, hungry, and sad, I went home exhausted and hungry but ready to enjoy the rest of my evening. I'm grateful for the left-over Chinese food I got to eat when I got home. I'm grateful for people to talk to while I was eating. I'm grateful for good friends who come and get me to hang out with them. I'm grateful for a chill evening with entertainment (provided by those good friends) and spontaneous talent shows. I'm grateful for meeting new people and describing ourselves based on our green Apples to Apples cards. I'm grateful for a roommate who will stay up late talking about life, listening to my stories, and helping me figure out what I'm trying to say and how to say it.

I'm grateful for Showtunes Saturday Night. Listening to Showtunes last night, I told Bryan I wished they would end with a really wonderful song, like Astonishing from Little Woman. Shortly after I said that, she announced Five Forever from Little Woman as the final song. Good work, Laura Bedore! That's a fantastic finale song!

I realized last night that this song defines many aspects of my life. First of all, it reminds me of all the times I've felt a close sense of unity and camaraderie within a small group of friends. The members of WAGA in 7th grade, my traveling companions in Germany, the Beauty and the Beast enchanted ensemble in high school, my Heritage Tours family the summer after I graduated, my crazy and wonderful freshman roommates, all my MOA besties, my summer ward friends, and my current best friends--all these groups have provided me with a sense of belonging and confidence that together we would fight and share each others battles. It seemed like we would never be parted. However, with each group I've been reminded of the truth that Jo eventually comes to realize--that people grow up, they move on or move away, our lives go in different directions, friendships change, people change, and people disappoint. Each group ended or faded in different ways. Some were extremely painful and some happened more slowly and naturally. The traveling ended and we parted ways, or a friend would drop off from the group here and there until I found myself alone again. Whenever my Five Forever groups end, it always makes me very sad. But I recognize that this is part of life and it really isn't a bad thing. I've loved my friends at every stage of life, but I'm also grateful that I've been able to move on and for all the new friendships that I've made over the years. It also amazes me and brings me great joy as I witness certain friendships from each of those groups continuing through the years and through the changes. Although I don't see many of those friends as often as I would like, I'm grateful that we can sometimes go for long stretches of separation and slip right back into our friendship when we do meet again. I hope these friendships (and many of my current friendships) last my whole life.

Another connection to my life that I made last night as I listened to this song comes in at 2:55:

Meg-And if John Brooke were here, he'd be our brother, too.

Laurie-Meg's in love!

Jo-We'll consider any friend.

I hate boyfriends. I've gotten better at controlling/dealing with this hatred, but I still find myself hating the boyfriends (and girlfriends) of my best friends, at least a little. Freshman year was really hard, but, like I said, I've gotten much better at supporting my friends in their relationships instead of being angry that they don't hang out with me anymore. (It helps when I like the person they're dating and it has potential to go somewhere. Freshman year all the relationships were just stupid.) I think I understand Jo's emotion at this moment. She obviously isn't thrilled at the idea of Meg being in love. She doesn't want things to change and she doesn't want to be replaced. I like that she deals with the situation by saying they'll consider any friend. She seems to emphasize that friends are welcome, but she doesn't want anything more than that happening to anyone. Like Jo, I don't like being replaced, but there always seems to come a time when I find I can accept the replacement because I know that's how things have to be and that they are best this way. I see the happiness of my friend and then I feel happy too. Hopefully I'll continue to be like Jo and some day find myself as the one happily in love.

Watching this performance of Five Forever, I also noticed the interaction between Amy and Laurie. If you don't know their story, spoiler alert! Laurie proposes to Jo, she rejects him, and years later Amy (the youngest sister) and Laurie fall in love and get married. For some reason, I just love thinking about relationships and how they have changed, whether for better or for worse. I love looking back in my life and realizing that a year ago or even six months ago I would never have suspected that I would be friends with a certain person or group of people. Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell myself, "Hey, Ruth! In a year from now you'll be best friends with this random person in your ward who you've never really talked to and who you can't even imagine being friends with right now" or "In a few months you'll be best friends with this person you don't understand right now and don't really like." Perhaps it's the realization that life is not stagnant and that interesting and exciting friendships sometimes sprout from the least expected places that causes me to love thinking about and noticing these things so much. In a similar way, I take an interest in watching Amy and Laurie interact in this song and enjoy thinking to myself, "They have no idea what's going to happen to them in just a few years! They are so unsuspecting!"

Finally, I just love this song! The singing, the dancing, the words, the story, EVERYTHING!!! It is beautiful and happy and makes me feel good on the inside. I'm grateful for good music and the effect it has on me.

And so I finish this post with no real theme besides life to tie it all together. I'm grateful for all the little things that have enriched my life in the past few days and for everything that makes life interesting and keeps me on my toes. L'Chaim!