And it's probably been time for the last couple years. But hey, at least I'm doing it! Better late than never at all.
Life is hard. Sometimes I feel weary and and want to quit. Sometimes I wish I could return to the three months before my mission--the most perfect three months a girl could wish for. I knew then how perfect it was and I knew it was fleeting and I knew that life could never be that perfect again. I had no classes. I had no job. I had no financial worries. I had no worries about the future (my mission president would take care of that for the next 18 months). I had no worries about romance because I was leaving for a mission! And I had more friends than I had ever previously enjoyed.
I think that was the biggest thing. Despite my inability to make friends quickly, I'm definitely a people person. People make life meaningful for me. Relationships bring the greatest meaning to my life. So those three months before my mission, my life felt full of meaning! My heart had never loved so many people so deeply at one time. Just read some of my earliest blog posts and you will see that people made my life so good.
The other day I was thinking about blogging again. As the first step toward blogging, I opened my old blog and started reading old posts. I knew I would need to start a new blog if I wanted to write again. My life isn't the perfect, cheerful, upbeat life of my 21-year-old self. I murmur all the time! No, reading this blog was just about seeing if it would spark an interest to start blogging again. Probably my next blog would feature everything wrong with the world and how the world can/should fix it. (I have a lot of good ideas about solving the world's problems. And a lot of issues with our world. So it felt like a natural subject to tackle.)
As I read, I reminisced and longed for those simpler times. For those easier times. For those months when I felt I knew myself and understood myself. For those times when I felt loved by many and my heart loved deeply back. Reading those happy, heartfelt posts further convinced me that my current life belonged on a separate blog. Until my post entitled "Life" from February 5, 2012. That post reminded me that despite all the good, perfection didn't exist back then either. I still felt emotions we deem negative. I still struggled with feelings of self-worth and acceptance. However, practicing gratitude helped me overcome many moments that could have turned miserable and to choose enjoyment over endurance.
The post that convinced me my new blog posts belong on my original blog came at the end. My first ever post describes the purpose of my blog, which evidently did not include portraying a perfect life that I could never get back. I summed up my goal in the last paragraph of that post, as follows:
"Reminding myself and others the importance of gratitude. Focusing on the good. Noticing the simple joys of life. Journeying without murmuring. Showing how life can be enjoyed and not just endured. Sharing more quotes and more songs and more videos about why life is soooo good. Because there are so many reasons to be grateful and I have so many favorite things."
I think I can be that person again. I think I can find things to be grateful for. I think I can notice the simple joys of life. I think I can stop enduring and start enjoying. So here's to remembering how to have so many favorite things.
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